I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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