She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
