I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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