I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
