Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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