youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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