I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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