i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize