don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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