He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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