did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
