omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
