what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
