Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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