Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
