The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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