My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
