I cut my penus on the lid.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
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