Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
