I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
