I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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