no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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