I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
