Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
