Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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