Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
