You really coming over, don't trick.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
