I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
