I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
