I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
