I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
