I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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