ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
how does that bad decision feel?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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