So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he was CRYING into my vagina
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
