Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
