i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
