Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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