The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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