I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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