im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
