Moan for me like Helen Keller
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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