got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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