Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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