If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Is it because I queefed?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
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What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
