3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
This house was built for laser tag.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
