My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
