evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
