just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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