Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize