just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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