I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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