I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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