Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
