You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
