3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
