I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
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There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
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Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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