i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
