Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
