like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
