you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
