I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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