found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
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she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
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I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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