just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
