If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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