You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
