I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
