After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize