I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
