Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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