I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize