i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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