I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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