he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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