so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
