Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
