Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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