hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
